Operation Eve, OUT

While you're not going to believe me when I tell you this...I don't even like apples. 

It's true, I really don't. Or rather, didn't, before I started this. They always made my stomach feel weird (fiber?), like I was still really hungry even though I knew I wasn't. Then I went 

on a practice wedding diet* and realized that apples were easy to pack and would contribute little-to-nothing to my caloric intake...so I started buying them. Then I had the thing with the beer, and 17 apples later, here we are. 

They are growing on me.

I decided to scrap the final blind test of my top favorites, because I know that I'll continue rotating the top choices in my lunches anyway, just for variety. Who was the grand hoo-ha of apples, you ask?? Let's see:

Thanks for enduring this long ride! I promise, no more taste tests for a while / ever. Now I can go back to posting about fun things like wedding budgets and school assignments. Can you even contain your excitement?!?!

*I have since quite said diet, as evidenced by today's consumption of breakfast tacos, pizza, 6 shortbread cookies, and ice cream-in-an-hour. Someone get a tractor to haul me out of here.

Apple 17: Honeycrisp

Well....we're here. 17 apples and 17 blogs later, Operation Eve is O-V-E-R, count it! Angels sang as I pulled the last apple, the Honeycrisp, out of the fridge. I felt a cool breeze on my face and a weight lifted off my shoulders as I began to process what life would be like without a bushel of apples on my brain every...bless-ed...day. 

Let's do it. 

Taste: Sweet with a melon-flavored aftertaste. As you might know by now, sweet is not exactly my cup 'o tea.

Texture: Perhaps now is a good time to mention that I've kept this in the fridge for 18 days. Anymore questions? 

Attractiveness: Great size, great speckling, great little beaut we got ourselves here.

Price: $2.49/lb. Yowzers. 

Rating: For this price, I was expecting John Mayer to pop out of the apple. But he didn't, and so my disappointment will guide this ruling...5 seeds!

Apple 16: Sonya

I'm not in favor of using people names for other items (dogs, cats, apples) but I've seen the Sonya a few times in stores now, so I had to let go of my prejudice and give her a go.

Taste: Unremarkable. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad. It's just...I kind of forgot I was eating for a second. But if you must know, Sonya's a sweetie. 

Texture: No surprises. 

Price: $.98 / lb.

Attractiveness: Pretty as a peach...apple...dammit!

Rating: I was so bleh about this one, I'd say 5 seeds is fair. If you like mild, sweet apples, you might go higher. But not me. No sirree. 

Apple 15: Jazz

Sorry for the baby pic, but you still can see what a gem the Jazz was!

Taste: In the words of Will Ferrell as James Lipton, "You are a de-light." Seriously, this thing is gooooood for tart lovers. 

Texture: Could've been a little firmer, but I'll blame that on it being out of season...and then I'll assume it is out of season.

Price: $1.99/lb.

Attractiveness: On www.hotornot.com, it'd probably get like a 6.

Rating: The Jazz is coming out of nowhere to get 8 seeds! 

Apple 14: Lady Alice

I met a little piece of heaven, and her name was Alice.

Taste: Upon my first bite, I literally exclaimed "mmmm!" out loud (which I'm sure raised some eyebrows from my bosses). The LA, if you will, has an extremely unique taste - it almost doesn't taste like an apple at all. In fact, I think it tastes like a papaya with a hint of orange. An orangaya.

Texture: Extra juicy and smooth.

Price: $2.49 / lb.! Short of a grapple, this is the most expensive apple I've seen. 

Attractiveness: Edible sunset. Go ahead, try to not like that. 

Rating: So I guess by my glowing review, you'd expect the LA to pull some big numbers here, but I believe she's just too darn sweet for regular snackage. I would reserve this for a delicious dessert, or maybe even stew it and serve it with ice cream! But I'd never pay $2.49 on a regular basis, which means the LA gets 6.5 seeds. 

Apple 13: Pacific Rose

Nice name! But don't judge a book by it's cover...

Taste: A-ha! A Red Delicious in disguise! She tried to throw me off with her sweet flavor but I know an aftertaste when I .... taste ... one.

Texture: Inside is just fine, a little mealy, but the outside is like chewing cud. 

Price: $1.99 / lb. 

Attractiveness: To its credit, it's totally rose-colored. 0 points in the creativity department on naming this one.

Rating: 4 seeds, and that's being generous, especially considering the price. 

Apple 12: Granny Smith

I've got good news people - with just 6 apples left, I will kill someone if this isn't the end believe this may be the last week of Operation Eve! 

To celebrate the beginning of the end....behold, the Granny Smith!

Taste: Unexpectedly delicious. I remember these being super tart, like pursed-lips-tequila-shot-lime-juice-in-your-eye-face tart. But lo! Granny's dialed it back a bit.

Texture: Softer than I'd like. Perhaps this is because it's been sitting on my counter for 10 days?

Price: Bargain basement $.98/lb.

Attractiveness: Golden Delicious doppelgänger. These two should make babies and start a master race.  

Rating: The apple was good; it can have 7 seeds. Now onto the more important question: Who IS Granny Smith? Was she a cute little grandma that made quilts and cookies or was she six feet of terror like my "granny"? Was her favorite color green? Did she even like apples? I NEED ANSWERS! 

will she ever stop?

I wish I could tell you we were nearing the end of our course here with Operation Eve, but there are too many freaking apples out there. For some reason I've found myself at different grocery stores in the past few weeks (am I sleepwalking?), and each one has all sorts of new varieties. Yesterday I was standing in the store and had a daymare (you know, nightmare in the day) imagining all the apples in their big beautiful piles crumbling on top of me and pinning me to the ground. WTF.

But then right when I'm super overwhelmed, I think how can I not try it, so I feel re-committed to the cause and I buy them, and then I stare at my collection and imagine the horror of eating apples every day for the rest of my life, and then I wonder if I'll stop eating apple pie, or if I'll ever have pie again at all. What would a life without pie be like?! 

The good news is, yesterday I found the holy grail: a honeycrisp. This has been the most evasive cultivar for me, and like any good apple collector, I've decided to end the test by conquering my most elusive prey. If I run across any other newbies in the meantime, I will not be adding them to the list. Did you hear that, apples? I'm putting my foot down!!!!!

I think I've got 6 left - Granny Smith, Sonya, Jazz, Lady Alice, and the big HC - so I'm going try to do a few double deckers so we can wrap this mother up. WE CAN DO IT!

Apple 11: Ambrosia

With a name like that, it better taste like Heaven!

Taste: Ah yes, nectar of the apple gods indeed. Slightly tart, full of flavor. Would be great to pair with cheese! mmmmm cheese. 

Texture: This is the crispest apple yet! Not recommended for all you denture-wearers. (I know you're out there.)

Price: $2.99/lb, making this the most expensive apple in the orchard. You get what you pay for, ey?

Attractiveness: Perfectly flushed with smatterings of chartreuse. Helloooooo spring!

Rating: Besides the fact that I almost yanked my incisors out trying to take the Ambrosia down, this was basically the perfect apple. I'm going to give it 9 seeds instead of 10 for the high price, but I can't wait to try this again in the grand finale!

Apple 10: Macintosh

I have to preface this by telling you that I ate a Macintosh last week and I was disappointed. It looked like this: 

Pretty ugly. So I tasted it, wrote my little review, and accidentally forgot to post it. 

Then, I was at the store on Friday and saw this crazy looking apple and thought "I should eat me one of those," and then realized it was also a Macintosh, except this time it looked like this:

 

Which led me to believe that the first time around, I might've gotten a bad apple. 

(oh how long I've waited to say that!) 

Taste: The first Mac had the distinct aftertaste of licorice! How strange. The second one was less ripe so the flavor was tart but less licorce-y. 

Texture: Gushy, ew ew ew. I had the same response to the second apple as well. The skin was also waxy which is not something you want going down the pipe.

Price: $1.28 / lb.

Attractiveness: I'm digging the exposed-film look.

Rating: 3 seeds, and 1 of those is purely because I didn't gag, and the other 2 are for the bitchin' look it's got going on. (Wow, that did not work at all). I don't want to eat one of these again unless I find out it was out-of-season or is supposed to be a cooking apple or something. THERE MUST BE AN ANSWER.

Apple 9: Gala

Happy Good Friday! I've heard a lot about the Gala and thus have been looking forward to trying it, almost as much as I'm looking forward to drinking wine at home again starting on Sunday who said that? 

Taste: Mild with a hint of tartness. I think it'd be versatile enough to pair with most meals. And that is my official position. 

Texture: Normal - crisp and juicy!

Price: $1.37/lb.

Attractiveness: Pretty young thing! Repeat after me! I said na - na - na!

Rating: For the slightly higher price, I'm not sure the Gala has enough going on to warrant being the best apple known to man, but it has great snacking potential since the flavor isn't too overwhelming, and it's nicely sized, if you know what I mean. (I don't know what I mean). 7 seeds!

Apple 8: Jonagold

Now that I'm correctly evaluating the actual Jona and not an imposter Jona (bad Braeburn...), here we go:

Taste: Sweet surrender! It's just like eating pie, except not! Who's in?!

Texture: Crisp + smooth + juicy. No surprises here.

Price: $1.28/lb.

Attractiveness: With a name like Jonagold, you want it to be prettier than it is. There should be a vaccine for this thing.

Rating: The Jona was enjoyable and sizable, but I'm not sure I could commit to anything this big/sweet on a daily basis. However, the lack of an aftertaste (+) outweighs the fact that it looks like it's carrying a communicable disease (-). Also, I think the darker parts were sweeter than the lighter splotches, which means I might be able to select-to-taste next time. With the hopes of choosing a tarter, slightly more manageable apple next time, I'm giving the Jona 7 seeds.  

Apple 7: Pink Lady

Today I've brought the Pink Lady, which Brian claims is only successful due to marketing. Let's find out if the PL is worth defending!

Taste: mmmmmmmmmmmm. The Lady is mild without sacrificing flavor. I can't put my finger on whether it leans toward tart or sweet. Dare I say both? My tastebuds are all a-kerfuffle and can't tell the Pink from the Lady. But if I had to choose, I'd say it leans tart. 

Texture: Smooth sailing. 

Price: $1.28/lb. - par for the course. 

Attractiveness: What a perfect spring apple, with hues of lime green and a deep coral! It's like nibbling on a painting. 

Rating: While the flavor was as delicious (although unique) from the Braeburn, the Pink Lady is going to take the lead due to its perfect size (coming in smaller than even the Golden Delicious). I wouldn't change a thing. The PL earns every one of its whopping 9.5 seeds! Count it!

Apple 6: Fuji

This post is a day late due to yesterday's jam-packed schedule, but I promised one very special birthday girl the honor of selecting today's apple, so Jackie, let's go to Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuji!

Taste: Most of the other apples I've tried so far have had distinct sweet and sour flavors, but the Fuj has a deeper layer of flavor. Unfortunately I can't say I enjoy the lingering taste...it's too reminiscent of a strong cheese. Maybe it would pair well with a gruyere fondue though? Hey look at me, trying to pretend like I know what I'm talking about.

Texture: Slightly soft, fibrous, and strangely dry in the late chewing stages (ex: at first it seems normal and juicy but by the time you swallow, you almost need to wash it down). 

Price: $1.39/lb.

Attractiveness: Hottie with a body. 

Rating: All things considered, the Fuji was pretty disappointing. I have mindlessly snacked on this before, but I think it'll be hard to go back now after really thinking about all the flavors. Sorry Jackie, but your Golden Birthday apple only gets 5 seeds!

fast fun fact friday!

Because I've been learning so much about apples, I will now inflict this knowledge upon you.

Shall we play 2 truths and a lie, a-la-first-day-of-college-class style?

1. The U.S. produces more than a third of the world's apples.

2. The apple industry received a federal bailout in 2000.

3. Apple cultivars (varieties) are patented. 

Submit your answers without the help of Google, Wikipedia, your cat, etc.

Apple 5: Rome

Doesn't this apple look delicious???

Well guess what. It's not.

Taste: How do you put "nothing" into words....ah yes, there it is...NOTHING. 

Texture: Sick. Soft, gushy, mealy and I mean mealy. The apple was fresh and firm on the outside though, so don't go blaming "rotting" or "you broke it" or any of that. Blame the apple. Blame Rome!

Price: $.98/lb., shocker. 

Attractiveness: That's the problem here. This thing is cute as a button, and it's the perfect snacking size! It even has a cute little stem, which just kind of made me happy (dear Lord) because stems are majorly lacking in the apple world these days. 

Rating: This is a Trojan Horse. I hate it for deceiving me, oh and for leaving me hungry (I couldn't get past 4 bites). You get 1 seed, you stupid apple. Who names an apple after a city ANYWAY. 

Apples 3 & 4: the Deliciouses

It's time for a Delicious face-off! These are best known to me from my childhood (red) and baking pies (golden) so I never buy either for snacking. Am I missing out? Let's find out. 

Red Delicious

Subtitled: Really? This is the best we could do with a name?

Taste: Basically, this tastes like elementary school. If that doesn't ring any bells, then—sweet, without a lingering aftertaste. Just as juicy as I remember.

Texture: Firm and fibrous! Apparently this skin has more fiber than any other apple variety.

Price: $.98/lb. (cheapest on the market)

Attractiveness: Tall dark and handsome! 

Rating: I'd like to say that the nostalgia factor garners some positive weight here, but unfortunately I think I maxxed out on these around age 7. Red Delicious gets a not-so-delish rating of 4 seeds.

Golden Delicious

Taste: Tart, but not offensively so.

Texture: Less mealy than the red with a tough skin. 

Price: $1.39 / lb.

Attractiveness: John Lennon, all the way.

Rating: The GD brings a lot to the table with its multiple applications in the kitchen and in the snack bag. Also, I really appreciate its size (1/2 lb., as opposed to the Red's 3/4 lb.). That being said, I don't like to mix business with pleasure so I'm going to keep the GD on reserve for "pies only" and give it 5 seeds for snacking purposes.

Operation Eve notes

Well people, I have already made my first mis-identification. 

I thought I was eating a Jonagold yesterday and it was really a Braeburn (gasp!). I even remember reading the sticker as I pulled it off, but somehow the J-word stuck in my head anyway, so I miscatalogued the apple. I assume this is a grave sin in the taste testing world, but I guess this isn't called Operation Eve for nothing! 

In other news, I went shopping last night to pick up a few more contenders and got a liiiiiittle carried away....like 8 more apples carried away. (And I've still yet to find a Honeycrisp!). The girl at the checkout really, really appreciated me buying one of each kind. Later I realized that all these apples are going to eventually rot if I continue at my snail's pace of one per day, so I'm going to start trying two halves a day, in the name of freshness. 

I also got some advice from my favorite professional taste test administrator Amy, who occasionally flies to Arizona to feed people sour cream. She pointed out that the grand finale hooplah side-by-side test should probably only include my top 3 favorite apples, rather than a chunk from the whole lot. This is a big relief, because trying to preserve fractions of 12 apples was not really on my to-do list. Plus, I ran out of snack baggies this morning. So now my plan is do a 3-day test at the end, where I rotate the order of apples eaten to make sure there's no bias. 

Are you starting to understand how important this is??????

Apple 2: Braeburn

Today I'm tasting the ever-beautiful Braeburn! May I start out by commenting that the Braeburn is ginormous. This is like two snacks for the price of one! Or since it's per pound, for the price of two. Wah wah.

Taste: This apple is definitely on the tart side of life. I like it. Nowhere near the tartness of a Granny Smith, but it still leaves a nice aftertaste in your mouth...like you might have popped a Jolly Rancher in your Zima.

Texture: A little bit mealy. Not gross-mealy, more like it's got a little character.

Price: $1.48/lb. (same as Cameo)

Attractiveness: Hunka hunka burnin' UH. Reminds me of making out with Ryan Gosling in a rowboat surrounded by swans.

Rating: I'm gonna go big here, just like the 'Burn itself - I'm going 8.5. Still leaving a little wiggle room for someone else to surprise me, but this one's a party in my mouth.

Apple 1: Cameo

It's Day 1 of Operation Eve, and a mid-sized cameo apple is on the chopping block!

Taste: The cameo seems to be mild in flavor, hitting just the right mix between sweet and tart (but if I had to lean one way, I'd lean to sweet). Although at first it seemed too bland, it's growing on me as I consume. 

Texture: Smooth Sally. Not sure how much of this has to do with freshness or temperature, but the apple was cold from the fridge and fresh off the boat...tree. 

Price: $1.48/lb.

Attractiveness: Along the same lines as Owen Wilson. Bumpy features, and otherwise not really bringing a lot to the table look-wise, especially when it's sitting right next to a more attractive version of itself...until that brother gets fat and stoops to doing worthless AT&T commercials. Right - so apples...

Rating: Based on competitive pricing and general flavability, I'm going to give the cameo 6 seeds out of 10. Meaning, if it showed up in my lunchbox, I wouldn't be pissed off.

Also, thanks to Jackie for a handy apple guide! In order to remain unbiased, I'm going to let my own buds do the talking before I check it out.