happy skankoween

"Sexy Ninja"

Halloween is quickly becoming my favorite holiday, but alongside being carefree and debaucherous, I feel increasing pressure as I get older to make my costume something not-slutty. I admit, my costumes aren't particularly clever or anything (this year it's Roger Rabbit, complete with buckteeth that are going to give a nice spin to karaokeing on the party bus). But at least I'm not just closing my eyes and pinning the tail on the nearest profession and deeming it sexy. I know the "I hate skanky bitches on Halloween" diatribe is old, but this year I'm much more interested in Spirit Halloween's recent evolution of shamelessness. 

Spirit sets up shop once a year here around town, and I don't really know how far their tentacles stretch and whether you've seen them or not, but usually they have the typical onslaught of overpriced costumes. This year, however, they left pretenses at the door and re-titled one wall of clothes the Sexy Costume section. I'll refrain from judging the kind of people who see that sign and breathe a sigh of relief ... instead let's just focus on what's in stock for all the busty young ladies of Austin this year. 

LB's Top 5 Skankalicious Costumes

5. Sexy VIP Red Carpet Valet

When did parking your car become hott? 

4. Sexy Beer Girl

Wait, haven't I already seen this idea somewhere? Oh right, the Flying Saucer, yearround. 

3. Naughty Miss Claus

Nothing wrong with getting a two-for-one holiday combo! Scarring children since 2008.

2. Sexy Ninja

Warning: May salivate over nunchucks.

And the number one skankalicious outfit of the year award goes to......

1. Sexy Border Babe!

That's right, we're talking border patrol, people. Nothing turns on a Texan faster than a big-breasted lady trying to keep the Mexicans out!

Happy Skankoween!