Point 1.
People that are employed fantasize about being unemployed, but I will be the first to tell you that it's only fun for a month or two. Then it gets stressful, you get hopeless, and every rejection starts to feel like a personal jab at your self-worth. I'm basically in a semi-permanent state of angst. Even when we're doing something fun, I think about how I should've tried to find more jobs that day or wonder about how many jobs will get posted tomorrow. Nevermind that the bank account is a slow leaking hemorrhage....
Point 2.
I love the girls that I'm getting to know here, I really do. They are funny and smart and just have a different sort of air about them than my Southern/Texas friends (maybe someday I will be able to put my finger on this). I value the time that we spend together and I really look forward to it. But sometimes it's hard not being around girls that I've known for years and years, you know? There's so much comfort that comes with that. Your comments have a context that eliminates the need for explanation. You're less self-conscious about your actions and your jokes. It's easier to apologize. You can ask questions on a deeper level without feeling intrusive. It's just...easier.
To remind you, I categorized our life at an 8. I'm happy! But I'm starting to feel like I'll never find a job that I like, and I miss my friends. So I've got "Recharge: Stage 1" coming up tomorrow, when I head for St. Louis to stay with Brad for a few days, and then we carpool to Memphis for homecoming. This sound seems appropriate - eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!
Then I have "Recharge: Stage 2" shortly thereafter, when Brian and I head to Texas for an early Thanksgiving with my mom and then AUSTIN for two engagement parties! We'll get to celebrate with all the people that matter the most, go out like we haven't gone out in months, eat our weight in breakfast tacos, and soak up some unseasonably warm weather. Glorious.
These two stints should be just enough time for me to remember that I am worthy of a good job, I will eventually get an interview, and that someday my new friends will be my old friends too.
4 comments:
quit complaining, bitch. that seems very old-friend like, yes?
you nailed it! now please come spill another beer on my floor (or two).
Man, I actually almost cried in the last paragraph. Surprise, surprise. :)
I can't wait to eat queso for EVERY meal while you're here. It'll give me an excuse, whether or not I ever really need one. Love you!
Dude, its rough, I know, but you are such a freaking trooper. Don't forget that.
My little tip: just imagine P90x Tony as your Jimminy Cricket telling you to "dig down deep to find the strength to keep moving". Yeah, you might occasionally want to yell "go f**k yourself Tony!" every once in a while...and thats ok. Allow one day a week for that, and the other days should be filled with determination and optimism.
I know its not easy, so call me any time for a pep talk...I had lots of good practice with myself and Matt's 13 month adventure in unemployment. Hang in there!!
Post a Comment