what happens in vegas...

...funds our little family for the next two weeks.

Wait, is that not how it goes?

I debated posting about this because I know for a fact that it's distasteful to go HEY LOOK AT THIS MONEY I WON and I sort of wonder if it's bad karma too, but since I'm unemployed and thus would consider this a major windfall, I'm going to push my luck: Hey! I won a bunch of money in Vegas!

Why is an unemployed person going to Vegas in the first place, good question. When I originally booked my ticket (Southwest free ticket, incidentally...God I love that airline), I was pretty certain I'd have a job by this point so I didn't feel bad about joining 10 of my closest friends in Vegas for Sally's bachelorette party! The Austin crew (+ Rebecca, Amy, and Erica) have been great about planning girls' trips for the past few years, and so this epic weekend acted as our trip replacement for this year.

Isn't this the most absurd sign you've ever seen?

Without boring you with specifics, it was everything it should have been and more. Sally had a great time (I think, right?!); all the girls got along; no one was stressed out by the large group (18 in total); and we honored the Vegas Trifecta of clubbing, gambling, and going to a strip club. But no one seems to want to know about that.

They all want to know:

How to Win a Grand in 2 Days

Step 1: Be willing to put some money down

You can't win anything with $20.

Amendment: McAdams proved me wrong on the first night by starting with $15 in craps and walking out with around $100. Amy proved me wrong on the second night by walking up with $0 and walking away with $550 - COUNT IT. But in general, I think this step is pretty critical.

Step 2: Don't play something stupid

Roulette, slots, etc. Come on now.

Step 3: Play at night

Daytime gambling sucks. You're more conservative because you're relatively sober, and the energy just isn't the same. Losing is inevitable.

Step 4: Know the rules

I won both nights from playing craps, which Brian and I learned how to play this summer while in Laughlin, NV. Knowing where to put bets to get your best odds is crucial! A few basics can go a long way.

Step 5: No fun then run

If the table sucks and no one's yelling and clapping, then you'll probably lose money and hate yourself while doing it. At least if people are excited then you can write it off as a good time, right?

Step 6: Find a benefactor (Amy, can I get an amen?)

I would never prey upon anyone, but after this weekend, I might let's say choose who I stand next to more carefully. I did Friday night all by myself, but Saturday night's earnings were supplemented by one elderly Asian man named Elvin, who decided to reward me with a fancy chip that I didn't recognize whenever I rolled a 5. Which, incidentally, he was betting $1,000 per roll, and I rolled it three or four times. Good rolls = good tolls :) Elvin was also Amy's benefactor and gave her a $100 chip starter while she was loitering by me, and then handed out a little more as the night went on. Oh, and Big Tex on the other end gave $200 to our friend Katie because she rolled well. Most likely your benefactor will be over the age of 50 and will look like a complete joke (embroidered shirt, wearing sunglasses inside, etc.). Go with it.

Step 7: Roll well

Yeah okay so we have no control over this. But if things go well, you'll win money and it can help you with Step 6. So a little positive thinking can't hurt!

Step 8: Get out at the right time

Signs that it's time to get out include hyperventilating, almost peeing yourself, and not being able to count your chips because there are too many. Or because you're too drunk. Either way.

In all seriousness, I am of course no expert. But people keep asking how, so that's how! Also, I think God must've felt sorry for me. And a little divine sympathy never hurt anyone.

Jump if you love Vegas!