national what day?

Today is National Ride Your Bike to Work Day! Which I didn't know until I was pulling out of Whole Foods this morning and nearly hit a biker...with my car.

I'm also proclaiming it National Resurrect Your Blog Day and National Dick Day. Not directly related of course, but I've abandoned the blogging world for a few weeks and I feel bad. As for the other...

National Dick #1: The smoothie guy.
I was early for work today and was desperately cranky and deyhdrated, so I thought maybe I could kill all these birds with one delicious stone: a Whole Foods smoothie. For those not familiar with the 5th/Lamar branch, it's basically the Ikea of grocery stores...I would buy everything in there if it weren't for that impending panic attack. I was ready to slit my wrists by the time I found the smoothie bar, but I got in line like a good, patient customer and watched one-by-one as each person was turned away. Explanation? "We don't open until 8:00 a.m." It was 7:59. And he was standing at the register, waiting. Very Meet the Parents. I don't know why I was suprised one minute later when I ordered and asked him to not add sugar if it called for it, and he laughed. LAUGHED. Because, how dare I think Whole Foods of all places would commit the cardinal sin of adding sugar! Mmmmkay.

National Dick #2: Roid-Rage Dude
Sometimes I like getting flipped off for no reason, I really do. Just because it's so absurdly unwarranted that it makes me laugh out loud. So after the smoothie, I'm just chilling in my lane, going the speed limit, wondering why the right side of the street is so backed up when Dick #2 peels out of the clog and into my lane in front of me. We weren't close to hitting, I didn't honk at him (this took great patience), and I didn't tail him afterwards (again...great patience). But still, I got the finger. No clue why, it's not my fault he's driving a Dodge Caravan.

National Dick #3: Me
Sammy (i.e. Dad's big fat cat that needs a home) and I had a battle of wills early this morning. I knew he needed to go to the vet and he knew he hated me. You'd think having a 6:1 advantage weight-wise would've made this a pretty easy capture, but you don't know how scared I am of clawed felines. There was a lot of fumbling, hissing, and straight up resourcefulness (who knew you could use a drapery rod as a cattle prod?) but ultimately Sammy found his way into a duffel bag. I felt terrible zipping it closed but after escape attempt #1, what was I supposed to do? If he'd been my cat, I would have drugged him with some kitty valium. But he's not, and I didn't, and now he thinks I'm the devil. If it makes it any better, I actually cried...that's right...cried when I zipped Sammy's ghetto carrier shut. I knew I was soft when it came to my disciplining strategies but seriously? I'm going to be a terrible parent. Anyone else want to play bad cop?

But anyway, my blog hiatus is hopefully over for now, and I'm hoping Dick Day was just a half day. Many props to you if you rode your bike to work! And if you needed one more reason to celebrate, it's also the anniversary of the invention of the first laser (see Google logo). Can't beat that.