remembrance

It's one of my favorite days of the whole year: Easter!!!!! Although I probably don't come across as the most reverent person, I take Easter and Lent and the whole story of Jesus' resurrection super seriously, and over the years I have found myself truly rejoicing more and more on the big day. Today Chicago was blessed with our first absolutely gorgeous day (i.e. it snowed last weekend and today we crested 70 degrees!) - in perfect timing to coincide with the greatest story of renewal and rebirth. This summer is definitely going to save my poor spirit, which was totally squashed by this horrible-no-good-very-bad winter. But enough about me. JUST KIDDING IT'S MY BLOG!

first time my shoulders have seen sun since September

Easter, all about remembrance, is aptly nested in the middle of the month that typically has its ups and downs for me. April marks my dad's passing and birthday, so it's just jam-packed with all sorts of shittiness. Six years later, my grief has shifted to this mild anxiety that I really don't know how to "remember" him appropriately. As in, I think it's really difficult to honor someone once they're gone -- in a way that reminds you of how much you loved them and also helps other people honor their memories with him as well. I mean, my dad definitely had friends, but as a single, older male with only one distanced sister, it just sort of played out that I was the closest person left to him. I hate the thought that other people don't remember him as much as I do, and the pressure to try to preserve his memory is even worse.

I know some people find a public way to commemorate a lost loved one, and even though I did a few of those things (like buying a brick at Town Lake), I'm at a loss for what else to do. It even seems weird to post on Facebook, say for his birthday, because I don't want people to feel sorry for me or something, I just want them to remember him. I've thought a lot about doing a Team in Training, which fights leukemia, but I can't honestly say I feel like that would do anything in terms of preserving his memory. I do make a donation in his name on his birthday and Brian & I share a Guinness every year too, but it feels so private...I already know WE remember him. I want other people to too.

If anyone has any interesting ideas, I'd love to hear them! Surely there's something creative and meaningful that we could get into...and if not, then this year there's a cat shelter with a donation in his name on it :) I guess I inherited my love for cats from him because half his emails were like a neighborhood newsletter on all the strays. I'll leave you with this one - makes me laugh!

The blue-eyed 3/4 Siamese kitty is all over me every time I see it and keeps trying to get inside.  It comes up for scratching even when there is food out.  Someone has apparently spoiled it badly .  This morning when I went out for the paper there were waiting for me:

blue-eyed kitty
blk/orange noisy one
little grey-striped Noko Mari
very old orange kitty
little black noisy kitty
another grey and stripes who has been coming closer and talks back to me

Lots of racoon prints on porch from last night.  Guess I better go get more food.

Pops the easy touch

the most important meal of the day

Errrrbody's gettin crazy up in the kitchen these days, and by errbody, I mean just me! It used to be that Brian was the master chef in the family, but when he got incredibly busy last summer I started taking the reins and somehow the power never shifted back to its rightful owner. Which is a disservice to all of us, considering once he told me that I should be on Worst Cooks in America (a real show) because I would win. He thought he was complimenting me.

BUT I got sick of my ever-reliable trio of baked chicken / stir fry / frozen pizzas, and started paying attention to my Every Day With Rachael Ray magazine (which I get by happy accident), and a little bit of magic has happened along the way. We're talking experiments, recipes, new genres, meal planning--which incidentally requires thinking, lists, research--NOBODY WARNED ME.

It also includes packing lunches for the week on Sunday, whipping up desserts on the fly (see incredible dark chocolate brownie recipe here), and my favorite, breakfast experiments. Mmmmm breakfast.

So, one of the worst things to happen when we moved from Texas was the taco trucks didn't follow us. How ruuuude. I was on an anti-tortilla kick for a while which I will later refer to as my temporary insanity so I'm only recently back in the taco game, but damn Gina, have we got this one nailed.

both with eggs, southwest hash browns, special hot sauce from a family friend and cheese; top with avocado and bottom with black bean dip

Next, we got a Ninja a few Christmases back and it's only now seeing its true glory...two wasted years we could've spent together! But now we're in full swing making a couple of these bad boys for breakfast each week. I'm still trying to nail the best balance between being healthy and delicious, so if you have any good recipes, please share! I pretty much blend 4-6 fruits/veggies together every time so no smoothie takes a particular flavor, but I think if I could limit the ingredients then I'd start to differentiate them, which might bring some pizzazz. Yeah I said it. Motherf&@(n pizzaz.

rainbow of deliciousness

Then, this month I was reading the Rachael Ray breakfast issue at the gym, and I got all fired up about french toast--which I've never made in my life--and ran straight home from my workout into a tub of sugar. A half hour later, I came to from a blackout and this was on my plate. Whaaat? It was a culinary victory for me for many reasons, mostly that we somehow had all these ingredients in the house and that I actually took that into consideration before I began cooking. That, my friends, is what we call progress. 

cinnamon sugar french toast with a peach/syrup compote

And finally, one of my recent favorites: Alton Brown's Southern Biscuits! This was my first foray at a bread, and I was surprised to find that you didn't need yeast or self-rising flour or SOMETHING weird/different. Again, mostly things we had in the pantry...except buttermilk...tend to not keep that on the daily menu. They were pretty delicious and simple to make; I'd definitely do it again but halve the recipe, because now it's been biscuits-all-day-every-day-and-even-a-Texas-girl-needs-a-break-from-that-shit. Here's the crazy thing about the biscuit experiment. I was on a high after I made them, so in a super hipster moment I made this chia seed jam to go with them. Unfortunately I violated my only cooking rule of following the recipe first before making adjustments, so my wacko raspberry lemon jam was a major fail (tart x 10), but the chia seeds actually gave a good consistency, so I would try again. Not sure I'll ever start canning, but it's nice to know we could make something at home if the zombie apocalypse wipes out all the Smuckers. 

I also found a heart-shaped cookie cutter in my grandmama's old cooking stuff. Huge win! 

Here's to keeping the experimentation (and failures) going! 

temporary retirement

What better way to re-join the blogosphere than by gloating about my recent two weeks off of work! In between jobs! Because I got a new job! Seeing as how I haven't posted in more than 3 months, there's a lot to catch up on, but the best/biggest news is the most recent fortunately, so let's get into that.

My old job: I can't wait for the day when I get to reminisce about my brief three-year stint in the agency world. I worked for possibly the best place in the industry, not because of the creative caliber of the work (yeah I said it), but because of the culture. That place was all about the perks - masseuse, stocked kitchen, themed happy hours every Friday, paid gym memberships. I would describe everything else as charged. Deadlines were fast and furious. The same work could be fascinating (p.s. thanks for answering all my underwear surveys) and at the same time deeply unfulfilling (cough, underwear surveys). Coworkers flew around the office making me want to punch them with their superiority complexes and then they'd save my ass in a meeting 10 minutes later. Clients knitted you scarves (really!) and then asked you to get on a flight across the country for one, superfluous meeting...on your vacation day...which they were fully aware of. All in the name of consumerism :)

This Advertising Life does a tremendous job of capturing the absurdity of it all

That being said, I worked with some incredible people. Our female CEO was one of the most inspiring people I have ever met—such a graceful blend of compassion, honesty, confidence, and humor. My boss taught me that being a good manager starts with empowerment, trust, flexibility, creating opportunities, and pushing the boundaries for great thinking. And my hilarious, spunky coworkers...so sad to leave them behind. Who am I going to sing karaoke with? Play pranks on? Learn new dance moves from? Practice new accents with? Revolutionize the company with? Be catty with? Sigh. The new gig is not going to stand for any of these things.

My new job: While I was figuring out what it meant to work on marketing strategy for the last few years, I kept feeling a pull toward the nonprofit consulting world. I'd dabbled in it for a brief stint back in the day, LOVED it, and never could get back in once I was out. Getting into my last job was actually a total fluke, as I was searching exclusively for jobs in the nonprofit world. Anyway...so after we got back from Africa, I knew my days were numbered. I just couldn't handle it. I started having conversation...after coffee...after phone call...after email...trying to get a sense for what the nonprofit scene was like around here. And then a miraculous thing happened, and I mean that very literally.

One night I saw a job posting for a strategist at a nonprofit consulting-type firm online and decided that the next day, I'd start hunting down all my contacts to see who had a connection to this very, very tiny company that I was very very interested in. Those firms are few and far between as is, even in a city as big as Chicago, and finding a strategy job specifically was a total needle in the haystack. I wanted to play my cards right and find someone—anyone—who could recommend me...which I knew was going to be a brutal process because less than ten people worked at the company and I had no LinkedIn connections. Where to begin...

The next morning, I had a coffee that had been delayed from three weeks prior; it was with a woman who worked with an amazing nonprofit. On the whole our conversation was good, but seemed like it wasn't going to go anywhere afterwards. At the end of our meeting, I was thanking her for her time and packing my bag and she interrupted me with an after-thought, giving me the name of one other person I should think about talking to. That woman was the owner of the very very tiny company that I'd seen posted the night before. Honestly I had goosebumps as soon as she said it—every step of the way, I had a feeling that I was going to get the job, and now I start my first day on Monday! Which makes no sense actually, because they wanted someone with deep fundraising experience and I have exactly 0 of that. But the original coffee-woman's referral was apparently worth its weight in gold, because that got me into a "show and tell" of my work so they could assess my skill set and from there I did a test assignment, which I thought was fascinating and got me really excited about the job. And now it's ON!

I genuinely feel like I'm embarking on a career change that's right for me. I think my experiences, education, trip to Africa, everything...it all feels like it's prepared me for this! Crazy right? I'll try not to let my idealism get buried under the things that I know may be less fulfilling: building budgets, project management, admin work, etc. But for the big stuff—the strategy, the research, working hand in hand with our nonprofit clients—let's get that party started!

baby mamas

Something was in the water circa 9 months ago, because people are popping out babies left and right around here! My two closest friends in Chicago are among the crew, and finally the babies are HERE! It's been a privilege to ride the wave with both girls all the way from pre-conception (when should they go off birth control? are they ready to have a baby?) to baby showers (butt paste! thanks so much!) to present day (wait what do I do with this thing?). Both babies are officially born and officially adorable. Each girl was significantly different in her approach to prepping for the baby, so it was interesting to hear their rationale and wonder of course...is that what I would do? 

playing civilized at the baby shower for Jess

welcome Lily! she came out with a full head of hair and couldn't be cuter

first big post-baby date night in the city for Jess...feels good to be back in action!

I find myself scanning a lot of "new mother" articles in hopes that maybe I can pass them along to either friend, and the one thing I've picked up from them is that there are hardly any right and wrong methods to parenthood - that most actions and decisions fall in the nebulous gray area, and that as long as it works for your family, that's 100% okay. (Also, it's a scary world out there on the world-wide-web...don't go there anytime soon).

Yay for these brave mamas, taking on such humbling, exhausting, and exhilarating roles in life! Already I don't know how they do it. But I have to say, I'm happy now that a handful of close friends are experiencing motherhood before me, because they can skim through all the crazy out there and hopefully have some great, sane advice by the time it's my turn. Right? You guys are going to do all that pre-work for the rest of us, right? And then it'll be 10x easier for us? Excellent!

"Baby-Q" for Kim (oh, and Mark...)

baby Jude! fresh in the world two weeks ago! so far he's super snuggly :)

highlight of my week visiting Jazzy & Jude

pic stitch july

Being in town more than usual the past few weeks (and entertaining myself while Brian's at his show) has made for a lot of roaming around and constantly being reminded of how freaking beautiful this place is during the summer...coming to you via Pic Stitch.

Downtown in daylight? Don't mind if I do! 

Clockwise: pavement statements, Blackhawks helmet takes over the Art Institute lion; beach volleyball.

Book club met to chat about Cutting For Stone (I liked it, you might too) at one of the girl's condos on the outskirts of downtown.

Clockwise: Balcony view; river on the other side; a Pinterest-worthy centerpiece.

More urban playing...

Clockwise: train in trees; bike rack; playing ladders at a rooftop party; train art.

I desperately needed some peace and quiet, so I drove outside the city to a forest preserve - great trails that weren't too crowded, with a huge set of stairs perfect for a little extra exercise afterward (which is why I am hobbling around now).

And our roomie! We have a friend named Trista who returned to Chicago for the summer (after moving to Kansas City) to be in the show Brian's doing, so she's living with us! She's so vibrant and funny, and it's great having her around...harkens back to all my awesome days with girl roommates!! 

Clockwise: in the show; after hours; at her cabaret show (something separate) which is hysterical and lude and full of improv...ie, incredible.

the battle of the cake pop

I tend to be fairly somewhat super busy, and in my rare moments with absolutely nothing to do, I sometimes start looking for a new hobby or project. Because I guess I'm crazy. Alas, I recently was wandering around Marshall's with one-hour-too-many on my hands and got overly inspired when I saw a cake pop pan on clearance. CAKE POPS! SO EASY AN IDIOT CAN BUY THE PAN AND THINK SHE CAN DO IT!

I had two baby showers coming up and I figured if I could master these little guys, that would take care of the favors or desserts for both parties. After 3 rounds of trials, I've decided that the ROI on cake pops is not even close to being high enough to justify the amount of time and effort they require. That being said... I never knew it would be so gratifying to actually produce a round, edible, intact ball of cake. Come with me on the journey...

Round 1: Prepare cake mix in the clearance pan. Follow the directions, and have this happen to you.

 

When you finally dislodge them, you melt some candy melts in a bowl, dip the stick into the melted chocolate, stick it into the cake pop, then freeze them for about 10 minutes so the stick will adhere to the cake pop.

 

Here's where it gets super tricky. Then you melt the rest of the candy melts and dip each cake pop in one by one. Sounds easy right! STOP RIGHT THERE. First of all, I tried melting them in plastic baggies, because I'm retarded, and those bags shriveled up so fast in the microwave it looked like they were covered in gangrene. Second of all, these candy melts, which are the only ones I could find at any store, are horrible for dipping cake pops. Even when melted, it's so thick and heavy that the weight of it rips the cake pop off of the stick, so then you have to kind of drip the chocolate on with a spoon, and then it looks like this.

what a masterpiece

Meanwhile I was reading tips from a cool site called Bakerella, who makes cake pops like this. So you see my frame of reference....

Then comes the fun step of drying them. The internet suggests either sticking them in floral foam (the green brick thingie) or using a colander. I had neither but I did have a not-so-handy basket, so I ghetto-rigged that drying center right up!

if you don't look too closely, they don't look so awful :)

these were the only 3 out of 24 that panned out. that's a 1:8 ratio. wahh wahhhhhh

Round 2: Laura came over and we tried a new recipe for fudgy cake pops, which I figured would be more dense and better for dipping. We did 1 set in the cake pan, which was a complete fail. That's when the clearance pan and I parted ways.

The other way to make cake pops is to bake a normal cake, then break it up into tiny crumbs, then add a little frosting to the crumbs to make them stick together. Then you hand roll each ball. SUCCESS! FINALLY!

It took an intense amount of frosting to make them look decent, and it was too much of a juxtaposition to the little bit of cake. Unless you're into really aggressive frosting.

So we ended up ditching the candy melts and dipped them in melted cream cheese frosting this time. Extra delicious, and much lighter than the melts!  

Round 3: This was the real mccoy, the weekend of baby shower #1. I tried 2 more new things - melted white chocolate for dipping (this was the perfect consistency) and full sprinkles on the outside (great for disguising frosting inconsistencies).

Stick 'em in a bag, put a bird on it, and call it a day!

So now the real question is: are these in any way shape or form possibly worth the time they take to make? The people eating them take two bites and it's over. And it took me 5 hours per 2 dozen cake balls. I can't say that's smarter than buying them straight from a bakery, which would be about $30 and a lot tastier. 

But then the masochist in me comes out and says things like, "But hey! It's fun to bake!" and "Now you already have all the ingredients so it'll be free next time!" and "Surely it can't 5 hours every time because you can't possibly be that slow and retarded!" UGH WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

last batch for a while :)

If anyone is also clinically insane and has made these before, please let me know if you have any secret weapons you can share! And in the meantime, if you talk to anyone who says making cake pops is easy, then you should punch them in the face because it's not nice to lie, okay?!

sweet 16

It seems only fair that Powder get a little blog-love today, on her most important birthday -- lucky number 16! My fluffernugget is deafer and more manipulative than ever. She gets treats when she's sick, face scratching on the regular, a prime lap spot despite there being a computer ALSO in the lap, first dibs on fresh chicken, outdoor adventures galore, and the highly coveted "little spoon" position. She's the best.

Happy birthday P-diddy!